Grombles

I've been shouting increasingly frequently at idiots in the press and on TV who believe that if we leave the EU, the rest of the world will buy more of our stuff. WHY? I rest my case.

"Hi Darling. How was your day?"... "I said how was your day?"... "Would like me to get you something to eat?"... "Cup of tea?"... "WHY THE FUCK DON'T YOU ANSWER ME INSTEAD OF TAPPING ON YOUR PHONE?" "Sorry Dad, did you say something?" Sigh

I drafted this in March 2016, 3 months before the fateful referendum where 52% of people who voted (only 37% of the UK electorate) decided we would be better off leaving the EU.  I am posting this 3 days before the 2019 general election following 3 years of destructive turmoil. I hope the 37% think it's been worth it now that even worse is surely to follow. Lemmings are cute Scandinavian rodents who follow each other over cliffs. I am convinced this is what is happening to the UK. We're being brainwashed by either disingenuous or simply ignorant politicians, none of whom have ever sold anything in their tedious committee-ridden lives, to believe that we will be better off if we leave the EU. They're asking us to blindly follow them over a cliff. It's a bit like the mystery why a dangerous moron like Trump is building a following in the USA. Soundbites work. 'Make America Great Again!' What American wouldn't cheer for that?... until they think a litt...

I know you've been trained to ask us " is everything OK ?". But if you really must, please choose your moment when we're not mid-conversation. Didn't your parents tell you it's rude to interrupt? Actually (don't get me started) parents these days seem to prioritise their obnoxious little darlings' interruptions: "Yes of course sweetheart [how hugely clever of you to even be able to speak. I'm so so proud and I'm sure the adult I'm talking to will understand my child always comes first]. Sorry, I'll continue with our conversation after I've given Prunella another doughnut"... or maybe they've trained Prunella to always interrupt conversations with me. Hmm. But back to the waiter, the answer is always  " Yes it's fine [now please go away] " . We're not going to tell you it tastes like shit in case you tell the kitchen and they piss in our dessert. We'll post what it was like in TripAdviser later...

I've spent most of the past thirty years trying to invent, develop, launch and sell new products. There's an anarchic side to my character that can't be bothered trying to sell something that someone else already sells. Or perhaps it's not about searching for challenges, but satisfying my insecurities. Maybe I just don't want to be beaten. If I'm selling something that nobody else sells, then if I fail it's not because somebody else is better than me at selling, it's because I didn't get the pitch right in some way, or that the market is simply not ready for my vision - like the company I co-founded which developed intelligent search engines in the mid-80s for example, or the social networks idea in the early 90s. Well they always say that timing is everything. But in the case of New Products there are other factors at play. Now I'm in the twilight of my career, I've amassed plenty of experience in trying to make business successes out of n...

Most businesses these days have Customer Relationship Management (CRM) systems which store and process vasts amounts of information about us. They use this information to generate communications, amongst other things, which target us to buy their products and services. CRM is all about how a business relates to its customers: Past (keeping them loyal through aftersales and service), Present (helping them buy through bricks and clicks channels) and Future (prospecting). Most businesses will at some stage have declared themselves 'customer-centric'. They will probably have drawn diagrams on whiteboards that look something like these: But there's a problem with this whole approach of keeping the customer at the centre of your world and the focal point for everything you do. Is it what the customer wants ? Of course companies who ignore their customers eventually go out of business. And those who treat their customers well, tend to thrive. But is it really in the best inte...

The following is an article I wrote in 2001, just before the Dot Com crash.  In our headlong charge to become ‘customer-centric’, aren’t we risking being presumptive about what customers might really want? I examine how the car industry might use the product itself to offer a meaningful Vehicle Relationship Marketing (VRM) opportunity for relationship management.     “The more you know about your customers, the more you can relate to their needs, and the more they will want to buy from you”, or so the CRM mantra urges us to believe. Well I don’t have a problem with that, but I don’t believe it goes far enough into the relationship opportunities. My first concern is one of definition for the word ‘customer’. Customers are people who have already adopted your brand. People who are considering buying something are prospects , who might indeed already be customers. We need to distinguish very carefully between the two since the strategy required to persuade...